There’s a line in Mulan’s “Reflection” that stands out to me the most, “If I were truly to be myself, I’d break my family’s heart.” I came out as genderfluid in February of 2016 and my dad took it the hardest. I think in that respect, I did break his heart that his supposed “little girl” wasn’t his little girl anymore.
I feel like this year has been the year of Disney for me: earlier this year, I watched a lot of those 90’s Disney singalong videos since they were in the “recommended video” section on Youtube, I watched these “Disney instructional videos” and Donald Duck’s “Happy Birthday” parade this summer and I’m going to Disneyland this October. I also sang “Reflection” from “Mulan” and “Let It Go” on my demo CD I recorded and “Alice in Wonderland” was somewhat of a triggering movie for me this year.
Mulan is a special movie to me for so many reasons. The rich story, the art, the music, it’s a masterpiece. I’m also transgender, and Reflection has always struck a huge chord with me, in addition to being one of my favorite songs in the movie. It’s like seeing and listening to my thoughts and feelings in song. I feel understood.
I’m 18 and Pansexual and i came out to my mother and sister, who both either disregarded it, or made fun of me for it, and I can’t even come out to my father because I am genuinely scared that he might beat me or kick me out of the house. So any time i listen to Reflection from Mulan I burst into tears because there’s no way for me to be who i am, without breaking my family’s hearts and being exiled.
When I was depressed and suicidal I would often listen to “Reflection” from Mulan. It summed up how I felt at the time. Now, when I hear it, I am taken back to how sad I felt.”
“I want to come out to my family, but I’m afraid of their possible reactions since they’re pretty conservative. “Reflection” has been on repeat on my playlist because of that, because of the line “If I were truly to be myself, I would break my family’s heart."”
I wish they kept the extended deleted version of the song Reflection in Mulan. I love the movie version but I think the extended version is much better.